Worry & Stress
When Worry Becomes Stress
Worry is a relentless storyteller of what ifs.
It imagines conversations that haven’t happened yet, problems that haven’t occurred yet, and outcomes that haven’t unfolded yet. It scans ahead, searching for what might go wrong and trying to prepare for it before it happens.
What if I make the wrong decision?
What if something happens to someone I love?
What if that conversation goes badly?
What if I’m forgetting something important?
Worry often grows around the things that matter most to us. When you love someone, care deeply about an outcome, or know the stakes are real, of course you want to think about what could happen and what you might be able to do about it.
The trouble is that worry rarely stays with one question for long.
One concern leads to another. One question generates five new questions, and then those five questions become twenty. You find an answer and immediately think of the exception.
Your thoughts can spend a lot of time trying to solve a future that hasn’t happened yet.
Why Worry Never Feels Finished
Worry has a hard time knowing when it’s done.
It keeps looking for the parts you haven’t accounted for yet.
What if I make the wrong decision? What if things don’t work out? What if she reacts badly? What if I regret this?
You find an answer, and worry finds the blank inside it.
Okay, but what if…?
Our brains like knowing what to expect, and worry tries to help by looking ahead and figuring out what’s going to happen.
The trouble is that none of us can actually predict the future.
No matter how carefully you think something through, there will always be things you can’t know until they happen.
Worry keeps trying to fill in those blanks anyway.
It looks for certainty. It seeks reassurance. It revisits the same possibilities from slightly different angles, hoping that this time something will finally click into place and you’ll be able to stop thinking about it.
Planning, on the other hand, gives us options. It asks a different question:
What can I actually do about this?
If you’re worried about an important presentation, planning might mean practicing what you want to say and preparing for the parts that feel difficult. If you’re concerned about how social media is affecting your child, it might mean setting limits around device use and keeping the conversation open at home.
Planning gives you something concrete to do with your concern.
And sometimes a good plan brings you to a useful conclusion:
I’ve done what I can for now.
That doesn’t mean the problem is resolved or that you’ve stopped caring what happens next.
You can reach the end of what you can do for now without reaching the end of how much you care.
The Stress of Constant Worry
Worry spends a lot of time in the future, but the stress it creates is happening now.
Your shoulders creep up toward your ears while you’re going through your emails. You’re making dinner and realize your jaw has been clenched while your mind runs through tomorrow’s problem again. Or you finally get into bed exhausted, only for your mind to start another round of worry.
What if my voice shakes during the presentation? What if I lose my train of thought? I need to sleep. Why am I not asleep? Now I’m going to be exhausted tomorrow. What if that makes everything worse?
The presentation hasn’t happened, but your body is already responding to it.
Sometimes you don’t realize how much stress has accumulated until a demanding stretch is finally over. You push through the exams, the deadline, the family crisis, or the enormous project because that’s what needs to happen. Only afterward do you realize just how run down you are.
Worry may be happening in your thoughts, but you experience its effects in your body too.
The Part of Worry Most People Don’t Notice
Worry doesn’t just ask:
What if something goes wrong?
It also asks:
What if something goes wrong and I can’t handle it?
When you imagine something going wrong, it can be easy to underestimate how well you’ll be able to cope.
In therapy, we can practice what coping with some of those situations might actually look like.
What if that happens?
And then what?
You can learn to trust yourself to cope with difficult things when they happen.
Working With Worry and Stress in Therapy
Worry and stress have a way of stealing attention away from the life that’s happening right in front of you. The interesting moments that never quite get your full attention because part of your mind is busy somewhere in tomorrow.
Your thoughts are working on the future while your body is here in the present. You’re holding your breath. Your stomach is tight. Your attention has left the conversation you’re actually having because it’s busy running through possibilities again.
Together, we can talk about what worry is like for you, where your mind usually goes, and where you experience stress in your body.
We can use mindfulness to help you notice when your attention has gone somewhere else and bring it back. CBT can help you work with the thoughts and predictions that keep worry going.
The easiest ways to distract yourself don’t always leave you feeling particularly restored. And because stress is something you experience in your body too, we can use somatic therapy to help you pay attention to what your body is telling you and what helps it regulate. Over time, you can get to know the kinds of rest and recovery that genuinely recharge you.
With practice, you can have more say about when you give those concerns your attention and when you bring your attention back to what’s happening now.
And you can spend less of today trying to solve all of the things that might happen tomorrow.
Get started here
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Licensed Professional Counselor
Cheryl Zandt
Telehealth Counseling in Washington DC and Virginia
Cheryl Zandt is a Licensed Professional Counselor providing online therapy for women in Virginia and Washington, DC. For more than 20 years, she has helped women face anxiety, burnout, panic, relationship challenges, and life transitions with greater understanding, self-trust, and choice.
Thoughtful, collaborative, and grounded in research, curiosity, and genuine human connection, her approach helps clients make sense of experiences that have felt confusing, frustrating, or overwhelming for far too long.
Your questions, answered
What is the difference between worry and problem-solving?
Problem-solving helps you identify options, make decisions, and move forward. Worry often feels similar at first, but instead of leading to resolution, it tends to circle the same concerns repeatedly. Many people find themselves revisiting the same fears over and over without feeling any closer to an answer.
Problem-solving helps you identify options, make decisions, and move forward. Worry often feels similar at first, but instead of leading to resolution, it tends to circle the same concerns repeatedly. Many people find themselves revisiting the same fears over and over without feeling any closer to an answer.
Yes. Worry is one of the most common features of anxiety. While anxiety can include physical symptoms such as muscle tension, restlessness, or nervous system activation, worry is often the mental component – the ongoing stream of “what if” thoughts focused on future uncertainty.
Why can't I stop thinking about worst-case scenarios?
Worry is designed to anticipate potential threats. Unfortunately, the brain often gives more attention to possibilities that feel threatening than possibilities that feel neutral or positive. This can create a habit of mentally rehearsing worst-case scenarios, even when they’re unlikely to occur.
Why do I keep seeking reassurance but never feel reassured for long?
Reassurance can provide temporary relief, but chronic worry often returns because the underlying uncertainty remains. Many people find themselves repeatedly seeking certainty about situations that ultimately cannot be guaranteed. Learning to tolerate uncertainty is often an important part of reducing worry.
Can therapy help me stop overthinking?
Yes. Therapy can help you better understand the patterns that drive overthinking, identify the fears underneath persistent worry, and develop practical skills for responding differently to anxious thoughts. Many people find they spend less time trapped in mental loops and more time engaged in their actual lives.