Executive Functioning
When Knowing Isn’t the Same as Doing
You know you need to answer the email. You have every intention of making the appointment. You really are going to deal with the pile of paperwork, finish the project, return the package, schedule the oil change, and figure out why you’ve been paying for a subscription you haven’t used since 2023.
You’ve thought about these things dozens of times, but they’re still waiting to be done.
That can be hard to make sense of when you’re demonstrably capable of doing much harder things. You manage complicated projects at work. Solve problems other people bring to you. Remember obscure details. Spend hours absorbed in something that genuinely interests you.
Then a six-minute phone call sits on your list for three weeks.
The problem isn’t necessarily knowing what to do. You know how to make a phone call. You know the bill needs to be paid. You know the package needs to be returned.
Knowing what needs to happen and reliably getting yourself from intention to action are different things.
Executive functioning is the mental process that helps us direct our attention and behavior toward a goal. We use it to plan, prioritize, keep track of information, estimate time, organize, get started, follow a plan, and finish what we intended to do.
Different tasks draw on this process in different ways, which helps explain why knowing exactly what you need to do doesn’t always mean it will be easy to do.
And that’s when someone asks: “Why can’t you just…?”
Why Can’t You Just?
Why can’t you just put it on your calendar?
Why can’t you just leave earlier?
Why can’t you just finish one thing before starting another?
Why can’t you just answer the email when you read it?
By adulthood, many women with executive functioning challenges have developed an impressive collection of ways to manage. You set reminders for your reminders. Put things where you’ll trip over them so you can’t forget them. Keep fifteen tabs open because closing one means risking losing the thought. Use urgency to generate enough momentum to start something. Work much harder than anyone watching you realizes.
It can seem like contradiction: You handle something extraordinarily complicated and forget something basic. You concentrate intensely on one thing for hours and then struggle for hours to get started on a boring task that takes ten minutes to do. You remember one thing without effort and create an elaborate system to keep another from slipping through the cracks.
From the outside, it’s easy to mistake those differences for evidence that you could “just” do something if you really wanted to.
And when the outcome is visible but the effort isn’t, people fill in the explanation.
You need to be more organized.
You’d remember if it were important to you.
You just need to try harder.
Hear those explanations often enough and eventually your inner critic also learns to ask you “Why can’t you just?”
The Executive Functioning Tax
Executive functioning difficulties can be expensive.
Sometimes the cost is literal: late fees, missed return windows, subscriptions you meant to cancel, groceries bought with good intentions and thrown away a week later, takeout because figuring out dinner requires more steps than you have available at 7:00 p.m., or buying a replacement because you cannot find the original.
They cost time too. Searching for things, recreating work you misplaced, recovering from missed deadlines, trying repeatedly to get started.
Some tasks also take a lot of mental energy when you have to think your way through steps that don’t happen automatically.
The unanswered email comes back into your mind while you’re making dinner. The appointment you need to schedule occurs to you when the office is closed. The late notice sits on the counter reminding you that you still haven’t dealt with it.
Then it isn’t only an unfinished task anymore – it’s I did this again. So now you’re trying to do the thing while also dealing with the frustration, dread, embarrassment, and conclusions about what having trouble with tasks like this supposedly says about you.
Finding the Missing Planks
When we work with executive functioning in therapy, I’m interested in what happens between needing to do something and actually doing it.
Sometimes a task that looks straightforward actually requires a whole sequence of steps that your brain is being asked to gather and line up in the correct order.
Make the dentist appointment.
Did I save their number under their name, or “dentist,” or the practice name? Where is the office again, at 2021 K St. or 2120 K St.? Should I put off scheduling til I floss for at least a month? I need to put in a request for leave that afternoon. Oh that’s right – their answering system is on at lunchtime. I’ll have to call back later.
It’s like getting ready to cross a rope bridge that has some planks missing. Together we can explore what the gaps are, and search for the planks that will let you proceed.
Building Systems Around Your Actual Life
A good system doesn’t have to look conventional. What matters most is whether it helps you take care of your life.
Bills need to get paid. Your body needs food. Work has obligations. Appointments need to happen. Commitments to others need attention.
But there really is no additional merit for accomplishing those things in the most conventional way.
If you forget something important the moment it’s put away, maybe one option is to keep it visible. If a task system requires so many steps that you stop using it, we can revisit the steps. If three reminders reliably get you somewhere on time, three reminders are doing their job!
We can also question the rules and moral equivalencies that have accumulated around how things are “supposed to be” done.
A home can be organized around how you actually use it. A meal that gets you fed has done what you needed it to do, whether it took five minutes to prepare or fifty. A system that works for somebody else isn’t necessarily going to be the same one that makes the most sense for you.
Knowing what works for you can make it easier to make those choices without judging yourself for “supposed to’s.”
Your systems are supposed to work for you, not the other way around.
Knowing Yourself Better
There is an enormous difference between asking:
Why can’t I just do this?
and asking:
What would make this easier to do?
The first question carries years of assumptions about what should be easy and what having difficulty with it says about you.
The second gives us somewhere to look.
If the problem is working memory, more self-criticism won’t increase your working memory. If you lose track of things that aren’t visible, calling yourself irresponsible won’t make them easier to see. Understanding how your executive functioning works gives us a more accurate starting point.
You can have high expectations for yourself. You can take responsibility when something goes wrong, learn skills that make daily life easier, and develop systems that make it more likely that the things you care about actually happen.
The difference is that we’re no longer measuring success by how closely you can do something the way the person who supposedly can “just do it” does.
We’re figuring out how to help you take care of your life in ways that work better for you.
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Your questions, answered
What is executive functioning?
Executive functioning refers to a set of cognitive skills that help us plan, organize, prioritize, initiate tasks, manage time, regulate attention, and follow through on goals. When executive functioning is challenged, even tasks that seem simple can require significantly more mental effort than most people realize.
Why do I know what needs to be done but still can't seem to do it?
This is one of the most frustrating aspects of executive functioning challenges. The issue is rarely a lack of knowledge, motivation, or caring. More often, the difficulty lies in task initiation – the process of moving from intention to action. Knowing what needs to happen and being able to begin are two separate cognitive processes.
Can therapy help even if I've struggled with this for most of my life?
Yes. While therapy won’t change the way your brain is wired, it can help you understand yourself more accurately, develop systems that work with your strengths, reduce unnecessary friction, and build a healthier relationship with yourself. Many people find that understanding their struggles through a more compassionate and informed lens is one of the most meaningful parts of the process.
Is procrastination always a sign of avoidance?
Not necessarily. While avoidance can play a role, many people with executive functioning challenges experience difficulty bridging the gap between “I need to do this” and “I am doing this now.” What looks like procrastination from the outside is often a more complex issue involving task initiation, overwhelm, attention regulation, or difficulty breaking tasks into manageable steps.
Can executive functioning challenges contribute to anxiety?
Yes. When important tasks are difficult to start, complete, or keep track of, anxiety often follows. Many people find themselves constantly worried about forgetting something, falling behind, disappointing others, or managing the consequences of unfinished responsibilities. Over time, executive functioning challenges and anxiety can reinforce one another.
Licensed Professional Counselor
Cheryl Zandt
Telehealth Counseling in Washington DC and Virginia
Cheryl Zandt is a Licensed Professional Counselor providing online therapy for women in Virginia and Washington, DC. For more than 20 years, she has helped women face anxiety, burnout, panic, relationship challenges, and life transitions with greater understanding, self-trust, and choice.
Thoughtful, collaborative, and grounded in research, curiosity, and genuine human connection, her approach helps clients make sense of experiences that have felt confusing, frustrating, or overwhelming for far too long.
